Happy Holidays!

It's hard to believe this year is coming to an end already. It has flown by faster than usual with everything we have going on. We are really looking forward to xmas this year because Morgan is old enough to enjoy the presents! It has gotten a bit more challenging to wrap and hide the gifts with Carson being 6 now. He is so much more observant! The other night our neighbors husband stopped by dressed as Santa to visit with the kids and after he left, the boys said "That wasn't Santa, that was Madeline's Daddy". (They call all husbands Daddy!) Too funny!

On the baby front- I still haven't remembered to have Al take a belly shot of me. Hopefully over the next few days! The baby is moving often now and I think the kicks may be hard enough to actually feel from the outside. He is most active at night when I am watching tv or laying in bed. R & S- get ready for a night owl!

I am feeling good now with the pregnancy. My only complaint is that all of a sudden I have a varicose vein that has appeared on the back of my right leg. I have never had this before with pregnancies but I think it's a normal side effect. Lets just hope and pray it will go away after delivery! I am not really craving any foods yet regularly. Jimmy Johns is still good, but I haven't been NEEDING it like before. Mostly I have trouble deciding what to eat because things still don't sound good. Of course I have been eating plenty of sweets with the holidays here which is not helping my bum!

Here is another picture of my angels.

Have a great holiday!

HALF WAY DONE! IT'S A.........................

Can you believe it? We are already 20 weeks along- half way done! Amazing. Even with the semi-challenging first trimester, it has flown by! On Monday, we had our 4 week check up and the 20 week ultrasound and R & S were both there. The baby looked perfect- heart beat was 153 I think. We saw hands, feet, toes, legs, butt oh and yep- a little pee pee.

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!

It was a bit strange for me because I have never found out the sex with my own kids so that was really the first time I saw that on the ultrasound. There is no doubt about it. This little guy was showing off a few times with his legs wide open and it is definitely a boy! Congrats to R & S!!!!! Baby B will be the big brother in May, 9 months apart from this little guy. I am sure they will grow up to be the best of friends like our boys. Of course they will fight like my boys, but when they are apart- they miss each other like crazy.

The rest of the appointment was quick and easy. I have gained about 6 pounds so far and of course woke up this week with a tummy. If I remember tonight, I will take a tummy shot and add it to the blog soon. I imagine it will be only another week or two at the most before I give up on wearing regular clothes and give in to the comfort of maternity clothes full time. Maybe right after Christmas after I eat for days!

Oh and thanks so much again to R & S for the surprise package we received yesterday of Mrs. Fields cookies and brownies. They are absolutely delicious and all 5 of us LOVED IT! Thanks for being so thoughtful and "sweet"!

Here is an early holiday picture of our angels. Not sure when I will blog next with the holidays coming but I will be sure to add a few new pictures soon.

Wish us luck surviving the foot of snow expected tonight through tomorrow! Let's hope my work closes tomorrow!

Come and ride my roller coaster!

I can't believe it has been almost 2 weeks since I last posted. Wow, time flies when you are having fun! Or- when your life is too chaotic to stop the roller coaster to update a blog! We are still working endlessly on our house renovation and hope to have our new laundry room flooring done this week along with at least base cabinets for our kitchen so we can get our granite counter tops measured. At least I finally have a plywood counter top to prepare meals on and the horrible dry wall dust is finally gone! Now I am just praying we get the remaining cabinets put in before Christmas so we can host my family (about 20 people) for Christmas night. My fingers are crossed!!!! And hopefully sometime this month- before xmas eve, I can start my Christmas shopping! I am usually done in November but this year because of the house construction I pretty much haven't even begun. YIKES!

On the baby front........ I am still in regular clothes which is wonderful but also in the back of my mind I am wondering why I am not showing more. We will be 19 weeks tomorrow and I know by that time in my past 3 pregnancies I was definitely in maternity clothes. I should be thrilled with this instead of complaining, but since it is different then the past it makes me think about it. (Not stress about it yet.) I have felt some small movements probably only once or twice a day at this point but at least that is reassuring that the baby is doing ok. I know we are all looking forward to Monday when we have the ultrasound and the regular monthly checkup. Hopefully it won't be too crazy with my bringing two of my kiddos along with R & S's family in the room.

Oh and I finally told my boss and my coworkers the news last week. It went much better than I anticipated which was a huge relief. And just because I say I am not in maternity clothes yet doesn't mean I am not bigger. My lovely coworker told me right after my announcement that she thought my hips were bigger and I was WIDER. Needless to say I haven't spoken to her since! Just kidding. But seriously, why do people insist on insulting a pregnant woman? Some people just don't get it!

My husband is out of town for work again but luckily he is scheduled to come back home tomorrow. We can't wait!!! Hopefully my princess Morgan will be feeling better by then too. Poor baby- she is so congested and is coughing like crazy. I hate it when my kids are sick.

More updates to come next week after the appointment.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Being Thanksgiving and all I feel it is mandatory to express what we are thankful for. Every single day I thank God for the gift of our three wonderful, beautiful and most importantly- HEALTHY children. We truly are blessed to have them in our lives and I pray we will have forever- or a very, very, very, very long time to enjoy our time here together. I can't imagine my life without them- or Al. Of course we are also thankful to be going through this journey and truly appreciate all of the support and friendship we have received from all of you. Thank you!

We wish you and your families a very Happy Thanksgiving. Our day tomorrow will be spent painting the house and eating pizza for dinner but luckily we will get to enjoy a feast on Saturday at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Have a great Holiday!

Dr. Appointment

On Monday, we had another Dr. appointment which went really well. R brought her mom with to this one which was really nice to finally meet her. The good news is- the blood results came back from the BUN test and everything was perfect. The bad news is- I have already gained 5 pounds! It took a little while to find the heartbeat which made me a little panicky but I tried not to show my concern in front of R. But then finally, the beautiful sound of a strong heartbeat at 159. The Dr. said the baby is VERY active. I think I might have felt a couple movements yesterday but they were so light that it's hard to be sure yet.

On the home front, our house is in complete disarray. Our kitchen is no longer in existence as of Tuesday. The sink, cabinets, counter tops, dishwasher- ALL GONE. We do still have a stove but it's nearly impossible to cook without easily accessible dishes and space to prepare things. And then of course washing the dishes by hand in the sink in our powder room is just strange. Our lives are absolutely crazy right now and will be for the next few weeks. I just can't wait until the remodel is done. It is crazy to try to keep any normalcy in the kids lives when it looks like a tornado went through our first floor. I am sure the pregnancy hormones are not helping my patience (or lack there of) but I know this will be worth it in the end. This home addition has been in the works and in discussion for years but now that we are actually in the middle of it I wish timing could have been different. Our original plan was to be done with the addition by September or October and we initially were thinking of not transferring until the fall to start a surrogacy but then everything changed. It's ok though- we are managing. I just wish some days I could have a glass of wine while I am sitting in my plastic covered family room and looking at sawdust and drywall powder everywhere.

I am worried about how we will "fit in" Christmas this year too. The house may not be done by then and I don't even know if we can decorate for Christmas because things just might get in the way. I hope we can though for the kids sake. They are obviously getting excited about Santa coming soon.

I am still squeezing into regular clothes (a size bigger) but haven't made the switch to maternity yet. I think at this point I would look funny- like a chubby girl trying to look pregnant. My tummy still looks pregnant only at night right now. Hopefully I can make it another couple of weeks before I make the switch. I guess I need to tell my work the news before I show up in maternity clothes sometime soon. Maybe next week................

So that is the latest in our household and in my tummy. The next appointment we have is on Monday, 12/15 and will be the 19 week checkup and ultrasound. It will be great to see the baby again. R is definitely coming with- hopefully S can make it too.

FEED ME!!!

I am sitting here in my office after finally caving into my recent craving....... Jimmy Johns! I was starving and unfortunately, nothing at home ever sounds good to eat these days. All I want is food out which is going to break my pocket book! I don't know what it is but lunchtime food is hard for me. Nothing ever sounds good- except JIMMY JOHNS! So, I gave in- again- and right now I am enjoying my Beach Club and chips. That is actually one of the strange things- I can't stand regular Lays or Jays potato chips with this pregnancy, (even though I loved them beforehand) but for some reason the crunchy regular chips at Jimmy Johns are heaven to me. I can't get enough! I guess it could be worse- I could be craving McDonalds.

Visit at IP's House

We had a great time on Saturday at R & S's house. It was wonderful for our kids to see them again and to meet baby B. Unfortunately, Carson and Gavin were a bit wild but luckily they didn't break anything. :) Al and I had a great time talking with R & S and getting to know them even more. There is really no other word to describe this journey other than "Surreal". It seems like it is just a dream but then we all have to remind ourselves this is really, truly happening. What an amazing thing. R & S will definitely have their hands full in May with two babies, 9 months apart. Life will be hectic, but this is what they have always wanted. It is obvious they are getting very excited about completing their family in just a matter of months.

I am looking forward to our Dr. appointment on Monday to hear the heartbeat again. R's mom is planning on coming too so this will be our first time meeting. I have to bring Gavin and Morgan with on that appointment so hopefully all will go smoothly. I am sure the Dr. office is going to be shocked to see 3 adults and 3 kids all there together for one appointment. Hopefully we don't get any dirty looks!

Hopefully my babies will do ok today. We kept them up extra late last night and took them to the Ringling Brothers Circus. I feel guilty because it was a school night- but life is short and I am all about making memories for our children. Their faces were priceless during the show. I think I spent more time watching them then the acts! Let's just hope this day goes fast because I am sure I will be the one to struggle with the lack of sleep! 11pm was WAY PAST MY BEDTIME!

Second Trimester

Things have definitely been improving- thank goodness! I still don't really look pregnant during the day (just chubby), but at night I seriously have a protruding round tummy. It's so strange how much it can change from day to night. I have been embarrassed lately going to the gym because I am sure people are wondering how I am getting fatter from working out. Ha, ha! I guess they will soon figure it out when a real tummy shows up for good.

We are 14 weeks now- based on the baby's development, or 13+ weeks based on the doctor's calender so that means we are officially into the second trimester. Our next Dr. appointment is on Monday, 11/17. I am terrified to find out the weight gain at that appointment. DARN HALLOWEEN CANDY! Oh well, it will be a fun appointment.

For those of you wondering..... R & S will definitely be finding out the sex of the baby. It will be so different for us since we never found out the sex with all 3 kids. But, I am happy to know ahead of time with this baby. I think it will help identify more with the baby and be able to separate more in the end. Since I have finally made it through the first trimester- which was actually not much fun at all, I am looking forward to what is to come. I love being pregnant- hence one of the main reasons I am doing this- and can't wait to start enjoying all of the positive things that are about to start happening. Can you believe we are only a 2-3 weeks away before I can start feeling kicks???? Awesome!

Here is an update on the baby's development at 14 weeks.

The baby's body systems are starting to work on their own. The digestive system practices moving food along the intestines and through the renal system and he can create and eliminate urine. He/she also continues to practice breathing the amniotic fluid in and out of his lungs. The baby has tiny, soft nails on his fingers and toes, is growing hair and may even suck his thumb. The baby is approximately 10-11.5 cm (3 1/2 -4 inches) and weighs approximately 1.5 ounces.
Also, the baby's blood is beginning to form in the bone marrow and blood vessels are beginning to connect various parts of the fetus to another. The joints and muscles allow your baby full body movement so the baby is able to move around. The baby's neck is getting longer and his chin is no longer resting on his chest. The eyes and ears continue to move into place. The hands are becoming functional.

We are looking forward to going to R & S's house this Saturday for a visit. It will be the first time Al and the kids get to meet baby B. The boys are really looking forward to it and can't wait to meet their dog too. Morgan will love seeing the dog and the baby. Gavin already said he will leave "E" in the car to make sure the doggy doesn't chew him up. :)

Sneak Peak of the Bun in My Oven

Yesterday we had the BUN test at my OB which consisted of a very thorough ultrasound and some blood work. R was with and we were able to watch the baby move around, suck it's thumb and more. It was pretty cool to see how fully developed the baby looks already! The baby measured at 12 weeks, 5 days (yippee- further than we expected!). The heart rate was 163 which is normal. All measurements were normal as well so we can relax and know that the baby is perfect. R said the baby has S's nose. :) How cute. We will still have to wait for the blood test results but the technician who has been doing this for 30 years said everything looked great.


It is so hard for me to believe that this is actually happening. It was definitely surreal to see a beautiful baby on the screen and know that I am helping give it life. What an amazing feeling. Now if the little bugger could stop making me feel sick at night things would be great! :)

By the way, I updated the baby tickers so they are the same tracking as the baby. Which means, we start the second trimester TOMORROW! Holy Cow!

A Star is Born!

Taylor Louise Pugh was born on Saturday, 10/18 "Sweetest Day" at 5:12am! She was 7lbs, 8 ounces, and 20 1/2 inches long. She is beautiful! Congrats to my sister Alyson and Matt on your

new princess. I miss her already!

First OB Appointment

Well it's been over a week since I last updated but I have had good reasons!

1) I felt like crap and didn't want to bother typing.
2) I felt like crap some more and wanted to lay down instead.
3) I have been really busy.

As some of you know, we are going through a major house addition at the same time as all of this so we have a lot going on. (Thanks to my father-in-law for his amazing talent and assistance with improving our home- AGAIN! Oh and of course thanks to Al for doing the work too! We all appreciate it and will love, love, love the changes when they are complete!)

Luckily, we were able to get away for 4 days over the weekend for a family trip to the Wisconsin Dells. We had a blast together in a "stress free/ work free" environment. It was well needed for us all! The sick feeling has slightly improved. I still feel sick EVERY DAY but it is not for the entire day any more. It seems to be the worst at night with indigestion and bloating. I do have queasiness still but most the time if I eat something that seems to go away.

And now the most current baby updates..........

Today, we had our first OB appointment. R was able to come with which was great because she got to meet my OB- Dr. L and she was able to help out watching Gavin and Morgan during the appointment. My biggest fear of the day was to get on the scale after just returning from vacation. Luckily- by some miracle, I have not gained weight yet. I am sure its because of the way I have felt for awhile now which perhaps is a good thing so I don't gain too much. We were told I was going to have an internal exam but I lucked out there too! Dr. L said that wasn't necessary since I had two ultrasounds with the fertility clinic already so no need for that. YIPPEE! R was really nervous that we weren't going to hear a heartbeat and Dr. L had just finished telling us that there was only a 50% chance that we would hear it this early and not to be concerned. But, the instant he put the Doppler on my tummy- we heard it right away. It was ranging in the 170's which is exactly where it should be for 10 weeks along. The due date is still a little up in the air but should fall between 5/11-5/16. That will be determined more when we have the next ultrasound. We will be doing a BUN test which will be done around 12 weeks to check for downs syndrome. I have never had this before but I believe it is just blood work and an ultrasound. That appointment is scheduled for Monday, 10/27 so that should be something fun to look forward to. (The ultrasound- not the blood work!)

Those are the updates for now. My family and I are anxiously awaiting the birth of my sister's daughter which will be happening any minute now! Labor hasn't actually started yet but she is due this week. Good luck Alyson! We can't wait to meet princess Taylor.

Pregnant Food!

Since the queasiness has lessened this week (I am sure it was because of the added hormones I was on) I am finally starting to eat again. Don't get me wrong- I am not craving anything because nothing ever sounds good, BUT I am finally eating dinner! Last night, we decided to run to a local restaurant -Avalon for dinner. The only time we eat there is when I am pregnant. I had pancakes and spicy curly fries for dinner. Can you believe that combination? Sick! But I loved it. Unfortunately my stomach got the best of me later and was hurting all the way until this morning but it was worth it.

Our beloved Dexter

For all of those who are close to us I felt I should share that today, we lost our cat Dexter. He was 14 years old and really was a wonderful cat. He put up with so much from our kids and they will miss him dearly! I know this is not surro- related but I wanted to share the news with family and friends in the easiest way possible. I never thought it would hurt this bad but I am devastated and so scared to tell the kids when we get home soon. They are going to be heartbroken! We love you Dexter and hope you are in a better place!

Sick, Sick, Sick!!!!

It was a long weekend where I felt sick about 80% of the time! I seriously think it must be because of the extra hormones I am on like the Estrace and Vivelle patches that might be putting me over the edge. I guess we'll see if things improve because my last day of taking those was yesterday. I don't really feel queasy yet this morning- but it is early! I might have had some type of bug in addition to the pregnancy sickness too because I have spent most of my weekend in the bathroom. I have heard something like that is going around so that certainly did not help things. I haven't been eating much of a dinner at all lately because my stomach is so sick by that time of the day. I can't drink anything except OJ, Water and Lemonade. Every other liquid makes me nauseous. No cravings at all yet. Just food aversions. Nothing- and I mean NOTHING ever sounds good. Maybe this is a good thing so I don't gain a ton of weight!

On a better note- I was able to meet R & S's son "baby B" on Thursday. He is so sweet and just adorable! It was great to hold him and smell that wonderful newborn smell. It was great to spend time with R too! Too bad it was so short because it was during work hours for me.

We are now 8 weeks along and are looking forward to my first OB appointment on Wed. 10/15. I finally got around to adding a baby ticker to tell more details about the growth each week. It is strange though because this ticker is one day off of the black and white one I already downloaded onto the site. Oh well! Also, I spiced up the blog a bit by adding some of my favorite tunes. Thanks to my friend Jen for always being a step ahead of the game in the blog world so I can copy!!! :)

Funny thing to share

The other day at dinner we were reading these cute cards from Carson's 1st grade class which encourage families to talk and share feelings at mealtime. One of the cards asked "If you get new neighbors, what could you do to make them feel more welcome?" Carson said right away "We could make a baby for them!". Al and I thought that was so cute and so sweet! I just had to share.

Update on me- I am 7 weeks now and still feeling pretty sick most of the time. Yesterday morning was rough but then it got better until the evening. I had yogurt and a bagel for dinner thinking it was something pretty bland and light for my stomach, but nope- it made me feel horrible! This morning I was pretty queasy again but at this minute- I am feeling ok. Keep your fingers crossed that this goes away soon. I guess I forgot at how tough this part can be. Plus- no one knows what we are doing yet at work so I am sitting here in meetings planning out how I can run to the bathroom every time I feel nauseous! I am going crazy! I am not complaining- just sharing the truth. I know it's all for a good cause and is only temporary.

Updates and final beta number

I just heard from the RE office- my beta number from yesterday was 24,232 (at 27 days past a 5 day transfer.) My progesterone level dropped AGAIN to 6.96. I have no idea why it is fluctuating so much since I have not missed a single time of the NASTY suppositories. The nurse said they are still not concerned with my low number since everything else is right on track. She also gave me some good news- there is an end in site for the drugs and patches. YIPPEE! I will stop taking the Estrace pills and the patches completely on Monday, 9/29. Unfortunately I have to continue using the suppositories until 10/13. I finally got the clearance for exercise and the other "extra curricular activities" my husband has been so patiently waiting for. Although- I must say, with the crinone suppositories- it just doesn't sound like fun. Not to mention I feel like I am going to throw up all day long. Poor, poor Al!

2nd Ultrasound and Other Updates

This morning I woke up and I was actually spotting which scared me since I have never had that happen this early in the pregnancy before. I did spot when I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter but it was all based on stress since my father was passing away at the time. So, needless to say, I was very anxious to get into my 11:30 appointment today to see what was happening. I was sitting there waiting for someone to come in the room so of course I read the computer screen which had my medical chart up. Last week's note said "Embryo in correct location within uterus, but no detection of yolk sac or heartbeat." So today, at 6 weeks and 3 days the ultrasound technician found a heart beat right away. The baby is measuring at a whopping 3 millimeters and had a heard rate of 114. Can you even believe that something that is only 3 millimeters big can make me feel sick? They did take blood too but I won't know the results until tomorrow afternoon on the new Beta #. I wasn't sure how it was going to feel seeing a heartbeat for a baby that is not mine, but it was actually good. I do care for this baby very much and want to help give it a life, but I didn't cry or feel connected when I saw it on the ultrasound screen. This is a good thing because of course I do not want to become too attached. I hope I still feel the same way after I start seeing the baby grow and feel kicks.

Since the beginning of the week- I have definitely started to feel pregnant! I have been nauseous throughout the day everyday. Nothing ever sounds good to eat and when I do finally eat, I have indigestion for hours. And the other day I was eating a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch and started gagging and dry heaving from it. You can bet I will not have another one of those for at least the next 9 months. I am starting to dislike my beloved caffeine free diet coke too. I haven't finished a whole can for the past week which is unusual for me. That happened to me too when I was pg with my daughter so maybe it's a sign?????

I will update with the beta numbers tomorrow if I get a chance.

HUGE, HUGE, HUGE NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was debating if i should share this or not but I know it will come out eventually. And- it is happy news that should be celebrated by everyone that reads this blog.



As you all know, we found out on Saturday, 8/23 that we were pregnant with R & S's baby. A few hours after R and I talked on the phone that day, she called me back to tell me her news. No, she is not pregnant- but they found out that same day that a birth mother chose them to adopt her child. The birth mother is from Los Angeles and was due on 9/9. R & S had already planned a trip to L.A. a couple months ago to to visit family and were scheduled to depart on Thursday, 9/4. They received a call in the middle of the night on Monday, 9/1 (Labor Day) that they are now the parents of a healthy baby boy. They just arrived home at the end of last week with their new little prince. (Who we have yet to meet or see pictures of). :( We did get some over the cell phone but they are hard to see so we are anxiously awaiting the pictures or hopefully better yet- to meet him in person soon.

This is wonderful news for them to be able to start their family sooner than they thought. They always wanted 2 kids so now they are looking forward to their family being complete by early next year. I always say the best gift you can give your child is a sibling! And it's true- I feel so much better knowing the baby I am carrying will be going home to 2 loving parents and a big brother!

I am a bit concerned at telling our boys about the news and therefore haven't said anything yet. I think we'll wait to see if the opportunity comes up for them to meet baby "B" in person and then it may be easier to explain. They are still under the impression that we chose to help R & S have a baby because R's tummy was broken and they couldn't have a baby of their own so there will definitely be some explaining to do. I am sure the kids will accept the news fine, but its just one more thing to throw at them.


I am also worried how things may change now that a newborn is in the picture. I really want and need them to be a huge part of this pregnancy. I may be crazy to think this, but I feel like if they are part of it consistently- it will never feel like my own. However if I am left alone to carry their baby without them being there- I feel like it will start to feel like it is more of my pregnancy than theirs and I don't want that. Also, I want our kids to see R & S and get to know them as much as possible over the next 9 months because I feel like it will help them understand and accept the end result. I know they understand what is happening, but I want them to be happy and proud about it too and I know if they get a chance to know R & S better (and now baby B) it will be so much easier for them to accept. I just hope and pray that this is all still going to happen as originally planned. I know bringing a newborn home is a whole different ball game and I know R & S will much rather enjoy an afternoon nap then a visit from the 5 of us. So, we will just see what happens. Hopefully all will go smoothly for them as a new family at home and hopefully we can plan a visit or get together in the near future.

Congrats to R & S on your new son!!!!! God does make miracles!

4th Beta/ Ultrasound Today

I went in this morning for another internal ultrasound where I got to feel like a porn star again by inserting the foot long (and then some) camera into myself. Fun, Fun, Fun! I am happy at this office that the techs don't put it in themselves but I am not kidding when I say the thing is LONG! It doesn't really hurt though until she starts exploring sideways to check the ovaries. I feel so violated! Just kidding.

The technician was unable to see much because we are only 5.5 weeks right now. She was however able to confirm the gestational sac is in the right place and attached in my uterus. There was a extremely small dot that we kept seeing in the sac that she thought was the yolk sac but couldn't confirm if that was it or even if there were one or more babies yet.

Later in the afternoon, the RE office called and said things look right on schedule and that there is a singleton in the sac. So, that is a relief- even though part of me still wanted to experience carrying twins. A very small part of me!

I also found out the new beta number from today was 5658 and my progesterone level jumped to a WHOPPING 11.2!!!! Yippee! I know, that is not that high to get excited over but when you are looking at a 3.77 last Friday, the 11.2 looks like a miracle.

Next week sometime I will need to schedule another ultrasound and hopefully at that one we will be able to see the heartbeat. Hopefully R can make it to that appointment with me.

Until then, its still no exercise or other stuff with the hubbie. I swear if he still loves me after all this it will be another miracle.

3rd Beta

I went in on Monday for my 3rd beta and found out it jumped to 2167 which is good. As some of you know, we were worried all weekend about my progesterone levels since they were at 8.8 last Wednesday, but then dropped to 3.77 on Friday. After reading way too many things on the internet and freaking out all weekend, the RE's office said yesterday not to worry about Progesterone levels. My level yesterday was back up to 9.27. They said it is normal for the levels to fluctuate and also said I am unable to show a true number because the progesterone I am on currently is only in the form of suppositories and those do not go into the blood stream and therefore can not be measured. So, things look good as of now. I am supposed to schedule an ultrasound on Thursday or Friday this week. Still trying to figure out how and when to do that since I have a busy work week. I will keep you all updated!

2nd Beta Results are in!

I survived the 7am dr. appointment with all 3 kids this morning for my 2nd blood draw. Of course the office was packed this time and we had to wait 20 minutes before I was called back but luckily the kids behaved really well. It was great to watch Carson and Gavin's eyes go wide when they watched the needle go in me. I love that they think I am a strong, brave mommy!

Today's numbers were 959 which means they doubled faster than the recommended 48 hour doubling rate. My doubling rate is currently at every 36.99 hours. (Thank god for the internet because that math would have taken me all day to figure out!)

Now we wait again and head back for yet another blood draw on Monday morning. I am starting to dislike getting pricked so many times. I have still do not have clearance for exercise or other "extra curricular" activities but hopefully by Monday we will get the AOK. This rear needs some serious spin class attention fast!

Beta results are in!

I had my blood test yesterday morning and finally got the call at 2:15 yesterday afternoon with the news.

We are definitely pregnant! The beta number was 405. They told me anything over 25 is good. I was shocked to see it that high! After doing some research online today I found out the number I have is toward the higher median. Which basically means nothing. There are so many variations of Betas and I have seen them range from 3-1500 for a singleton on 11 days past the transfer.

I go back in on Friday morning at 7am for another blood test. I am worried about that appointment since I need to leave the house with 3 kids at 6:45 in the morning and drag them to the appointment with me. That is not going to be easy that early but that is my only option to get it done without missing work. I know I am going to feel guilty all morning though knowing how tired they are going to be! Early bed time tonight I guess.

DRUMROLL PLEASE..........................

After 3 negative HPT's over the past few days, we are happy to announce the POSITIVE RESULTS today! I woke Al up at 5:30am because I had to pee and he wanted to be there when I did today's test. So, we decided to use the Clear Blue Easy Digital one and we sat patiently (or not so patiently) for the full three minutes until the response came up "Pregnant"! Thank goodness Al was with me otherwise I might have fell over! We tried calling R & S right away at 5:30am but they didn't answer but then they soon called us back so we could share the news. I know they are both very excited but also very nervous since they have had so many losses in the past. But this time is so different- it will work!

This is so exciting for everyone!

Around 9:30 am I decided to take another HPT- strip and finally this one showed a line. It's faint but it is absolutely there! Yippee!

Now I am really excited about my Dr. appointment on Wednesday to see what the Beta #'s are and to confirm this miracle!

Thanks to everyone for all of their prayers. It worked!

Congrats to R & S!

Your baby is officially on it's way!

Family Source Consutants

I just needed to share with everyone that my wonderful agency sent me a nice surprise this week. It is a beautiful sterling silver necklace with a rectangle charm with the words- Faith, Hope, Love. I love it! I am wearing it now and will cherish it forever. That was such a nice surprise. For those of you new surro's out there looking for an agency.......... I continue to recommend FSC. They are so wonderful to work with!

I have no patience!

I gave in this morning and peed on a stick but unfortunately came up with a negative result. I know it's still VERY early and this doesn't mean anything yet because it's only 5 days past the transfer but I was still hoping for an early miracle. I will probably wait again until Saturday to try again. I have read there is always a possibility for it to never show up on a HPT but the Beta test (HCG blood work) is the only way to know for sure which is scheduled for 9/3. I know a lot can change in one day so let's hope things are happening in my body. I just hope the next 6 days go by fast because this wait is killing me! (And R & S of course!) I just hope I don't let everyone down with a negative result. Keep praying. And if it doesn't happen this time, we have to remain positive that we will try again in October with multiple embryos.

Frozen Embies

It turns out 4 of the embryos that were developing slower than the norm matured enough on Sunday to be frozen. So, worse case scenario, if this doesn't work this time around, we at least have 4 frozen eggs to work with to try again in October. But for now, we are remaining positive that we have a fighter in here! Last night I did feel a few minutes of lower back pain. Let's hope that was implantation!

Transferred this morning

Well, today was kind of bittersweet. We arrived at FCI at 9:40am as scheduled and saw R & S right away. Spirits were good for all of us and of course I was nervous as heck! Then R & S were called back to review the embryos and pick out which ones to transfer. We were finally called back at 10:30am to meet with them to hear the news. As soon as we walked in the room I knew something was wrong by the look on R's face. As of Monday, there were 16 fertilized eggs and now we were looking at only 1 strong embryo. There were a few others that had potential but they were not progressing the way they should have been so they made the decision to just transfer the one strong one which was a 5 day, 3 b+ grade. I got in my hospital garb and Al got into scrubs and we were then taken into the procedure room. On a side note, I am glad R & S decided not to come into the procedure room because I had no idea that they would throw the hospital gown up to my ribs and let my glory just hang out there for everyone to see! That would have been humiliating for all of us! Anyway, I was really nervous and had to pee more than I can tell you........ and I was shaking like crazy. It was just like in my own childbirths were my nerves took over and made me tremble. I have no idea why it was happening, but luckily they brought me a warm blanket and it helped right away. We watched the embryo get sucked up into the catheter and then get squirted into my uterine lining. The whole procedure took about a minute and a half. Amazing!

I have been spending the day on the couch reading books and watching way too much tv. At one point I looked at the clock and I thought it had to be close to dinner time- but it was only 2:30pm. Bed Rest/ Couch Potato is not all its cracked up to be. But, I am looking forward to watching Juno tonight and 27 Dresses tomorrow. (I know, these movies have been out forever but we are way behind on the latest hits. For those of you with 3 kids, you will know what I mean.)

So now we all sit and wait..........and wait.......... and wait. My appointment will be on 9/3 for the official pregnancy test but I am sure I will start peeing on a stick before then. I have no patience!

Thanks so much to Mom, Alyson and Joe for bringing by treats today and for the beautiful flowers! That was so sweet of all of you!!! And also, thanks to Al for giving me a beautiful aquamarine ring last night in celebration of what we are starting and for good luck. That was so sweet of you honey and I sure hope it works! I made him take the kids to the jeweler tonight so he can get it sized right away.

Please say a prayer that everything works for this little embryo. I am mentally cheering it on to be strong and attach! It feels like more pressure on me now knowing there is only one in here but I know it's not really up to me now. Let's just hope God makes the miracle happen for R & S and for us too!

Saturday is the Transfer!

Ok, we heard yesterday the official news that Saturday will be the transfer. We are still waiting on a time but we won't find that out until tomorrow. I don't have a recent update on how the little one's are doing now but from what the nurse said there are MANY strong ones so it looks like we will most likely just transfer 2. So, what are you all doing this weekend? We are getting pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wish us luck!

Fertilization Report

As of yesterday, 16 of the 18 eggs fertilized which is an incredibly high number. I am 99% sure this means we will have the transfer on Saturday instead of tomorrow. (Bummer!) I was looking forward to getting it over with and of course weekday day care for the 3 kids would have been a lot easier to coordinate. I am waiting to hear an update today and hopefully we will find out a time frame to work with on Saturday so we can try to book a sitter. Poor Al- he will be a single dad this weekend while I am a couch potato. I am sure I will be bored to death but for now, it sounds kind of fun to read a good book and rent some movies. I can't tell you the last time I watched a movie for me.

We've got eggs!

Well the retrieval sounds like it went well today. So far, there are 18 little eggos! That is a great number. Let's hope they hold strong throughout the week. All we really need is one- or two strong ones.

Latest update...........

We heard from FCI today and the retrieval date will officially be Monday, 8/18. Which means the transfer will be on either Thursday, 8/21 or Saturday, 8/23. (5 or 7 days from today!) Holy crap! :)

I also received my new schedule for the remaining and continuing meds. Looks like I will continue Lupron shots until 8/18 and then will stop the shots. I am also continuing the Estrace 2ce a day forever at this point, and the Vivelle- patches will continue for the next few weeks as well mainly with 2 patches only once I get past 8/18 which is when I am still having 4 at a time stuck to me. So far, I have not had any reactions to the patches which is wonderful! The next thing to look forward to (ha, ha) are the lovely suppositories- Crinone which I will insert one in the morning and one at night beginning on 8/19. I will also be staring Doxycycline (which I think is just antibiotics) once a day on Monday, 8/18. Then on Tuesday, 8/19 I will be starting Medrol/ Methylprednisolone. This one is weird, the first day I have to take it at 5pm and 9pm that day. Then every day after, I have to take it at 9am, 1pm, 5pm and 9pm. That worries me to have so many time commitments throughout the day as a working mother. I am going to need to come up with some sort of reminder alarm system. I can't really count on my outlook alarm because who knows if I am actually at my desk throughout the day. Hopefully my husband will help out with the reminders on these pills! It also says I must take both medications with food every time so I guess this is why everyone says you gain weight on fertility drugs- it is making me eat 4 times more a day- none of which are at exact meal times.

My follow up and blood work appointment will be on Wednesday- 9/3 (my day off of work- yippee) so we will all know then if this works!

My instructions and information for the actual day of transfer are as follows:
1) Bring water to the transfer. Bladder needs to be full!
2) Afterwards, I will be able to walk to use the restroom.
3) 48 hours of rest is recommended after the transfer
4) No strenuous activity or exercise until the pregnancy is confirmed. (Darn it!)
5) No intercourse. (Darn it!) Just kidding, we knew that was coming.
6) I am to contact the Dr. if I have a high temperature, cramping, heavy bleeding, bloating, vomiting, severe headache or shortness of breath.

Guess that is it for now. I will let you all know more on Monday or Tuesday when we find out how the retrieval went and how the little eggos are handling life on the outside. :)

Doctor Appointment Update

This morning I was telling the boys that I had a Dr. appointment today and they immediately got worried and said "mommy, what is wrong with you?" I assured them that nothing was wrong with me and that I was just going to the Dr. to have a picture taken of my tummy to make sure everything looks good for R & S's baby to go inside. So that is when the questions started! Carson was curious as to how the Dr. would put the baby inside my tummy so he asked "Do you eat the baby?". I laughed and said no. So then he asked "Do you put it in your ear and then it goes to your tummy?", and I said no. Then he asked "Do you put it in your nose?" and I said no again. So then Carson said "Well that is all the holes in your body so how are you going to get the baby in there?". Of course he doesn't know about the other hole and I certainly was not about to give that lesson this morning. So, I did what any honest mother would do........ I told them they would poke a hole through a hole in my belly button and put the baby inside. :)

The Dr. appointment went great. My uterine lining measured just over 9 compared to last week when it was only 2 before I started on the estrogen patches and pills. The ultrasound tech said everything was on track and should be on schedule on my end. I called R to let her know the good news and she said we may be lucky enough to find out the transfer date as early as tomorrow. I am hoping for Sunday, 8/24 as the transfer so I can be off of work for the 48 hours of bedrest and not have to actually miss a work day. Although, that day could be a challenge too coming up with day care on a Sunday for the transfer. Yikes! I sure hope we find out the date soon so we can start working out the logistics for day care and work on our end.

Keep praying that everything will go smoothly for this next step (A VERY, VERY BIG STEP) !

I am starting to freak!

There, I said it. I finally admitted it out loud. (Or at least silently through a blog post). My nerves are getting to me for many reasons.
1) We are about 2 weeks out until transfer which is so major I can't even put it in words
2) I am already feeling fat from the Lupron even though I technically haven't gained any weight (could be just PMS)
3) I am scared to death to tell work about the news
4) I am hoping and praying the transfer takes and we only have to go through cycling once
5) I am still scared about the chance of carrying multiples
6) I feel guilty that my husband has to give up "the deed" with me for awhile
7) Will the baby be healthy and perfect?
8) I am worried at how everything will end. Will we develop a forever lasting bond? Will this baby always be part of my life at least periodically? Will I get to say goodbye at the hospital and make it through that ok? Will I get to witness the baby grow through pictures in the future?
9) Will I ever lose the baby weight from a 4th pregnancy? Will my husband be attracted to me when I am big, fat, and ugly pregnant?

All of these thoughts are going through my head 24 hours a day. Yes- I am excited about the prospect of being pregnant again and I am totally looking forward to doing the most amazing thing we could personally do to make a difference in the world.

But I am human.
I am normal.
I am nervous.

This is just pre-transfer jitters I am sure. Kind of like cold feet before a wedding. (Although I never had that!) I have to just keep picturing the best part of this journey which will be watching R & S finally have the baby of their dreams in their arms and knowing that I helped make that happen. I know the day will be here before we know it and I am looking forward to that day when I can be proud of what my family and I accomplished.

I truly appreciate all of your support and prayers that all goes well. Most of all, I want to say thank you to my wonderful husband. We have such an incredible relationship that I am thankful for every day. I had no idea how we could ever become closer than we already were, but I actually think this journey is doing that for us. Where I am a crazy nervous wreck, Al is so strong and supportive and says "Honey, we can do this!". I could never consider going through such a huge commitment without his help. Thank you for keeping me sane and reassuring me that all will be fine. I love you hon! Can you believe I am saying all these wonderful things on a day you will be home late because you are golfing tonight? This must be love. :)

All Clear

Just heard back from the IVF RN and everything came out good today with the bloodwork and ultrasound. We are now set to proceed as scheduled. I can't believe we are only about 2 weeks out before the transfer! I have had a headache all day today (and one yesterday I forgot to mention) but not sure if Lupron is to blame or nerves!

Update on Scheduling

We are plugging right along with the meds calender and scheduling. I stopped the BCP last Thursday which has brought on my lovely period early and today I have a doctor's appointment for blood and ultrasound. How gross is that to have an ultrasound while Aunt Flo is visiting? YUCK! Sorry, too much information! On Thursday, 8/7 I will decrease the Lupron injections to 5 units per day and will begin the Vivelle patches and estrace pills 2ce a day. Those are meant to help thicken the uterine lining to prepare my body for the best "environment" to accept the pregnancy. I am still waiting for the remaining calendar for the other meds which will come as soon as they determine a retrieval date. We were concerned for awhile that the transfer might fall on 8/20 which is a day I can't miss work (our annual meeting day for 120ppl.) But luckily, R said she talked to the IVF nurse yesterday and she reassured us again that they will work around it. They are very hopeful that we will have a 5 day transfer anyway which means the embryos would be transferred into me 5 days after they are retrieved. If that is the case, we would be looking at Friday, 8/22 for the transfer. Otherwise, if the quality is not as high for the embryos then we would do a 3 day transfer, 8/20 in the evening. Everything is dependant on when the actual retrieval is so we'll have to just wait and see. I will add an update soon about the dr. appointment today. Wish me luck!

A Dream- Surrogacy Poem

Here is a poem I just copied from another surromom's blog. Thanks Jenifer!!! I just loved this when I read it and wanted to share it with you all.

A Dream
by Lain

Our friendship started differently,
Than most friendships I've had.
We had to search each other out,
because of something sad.

A precious child to fill your hearts,
Is what you're longing for.
Infertility has made it hard,
to open up that door.

And so a search began for you,
to find a helping heart.
So similar to my own search,
not knowing where to start.

For me, the search is special,
it requires such great care.
A couple to have a child...
the fruit my search must bare.

Now we've found each other,
so much more real it seems.
Through faith and hope and honesty,
we're moving toward your dream.

But the dream we have,
it is the same, a dream that's filled with firsts.
First smiles, first laughs, first steps, first words.
All starting with a birth.

Often times I find myself wondering what it's like,
to have to trust a stranger with such a precious life.
And though I can't imagine,all that you've been through,
I hope you know I'll do my best to bring a child to you.

Surrogacy is something not everyone can do.
But I've been so blessed in my life,
I'm drawn to helping you.
Some people call us Angels, us surro-moms to be.
But I don't feel angelic, I just feel like me.

Our journey is just starting,
and no one knows the end.
I pray it brings to you a child,
and brings to me a friend.

Sunday's Get Together

We met R & S for lunch on Sunday with our kids and then they came over to our house for a short time afterwards. Carson was pretty shy, Gavin wouldn't stop talking and Morgan was just her laid back sweet self. Gavin spent most of the time introducing R & S to his "E". (His one and only special teddy bear.) After they left, the kids kept asking when they are going to their house and when they can meet Lola- their dog. Carson was sad when they left because he didn't get to show them his "wii". Silly boy!

Other updates:
I have done 5 lupron shots so far now and they have been a breeze. It must have been nerves the first time when it stung a little because now I barely feel it. I was even a pro doing the shot in the bar's public restroom during the bachelorette party on Saturday. I have to say- this was the first time I actually didn't despise the "bathroom attendant" who turned on the faucet for me, squeezed my soap and handed me the paper towels! At least I didn't have to touch anything nasty in the bathroom during the shot! It was a fun night with my girlfriends and while they were all getting drunk doing shots- I got to do a shot too (just not the drinking kind.)

I Would Die For That

I have seen this a number of times on friends blogs and other places and feel like this should absolutely be part of my surroblog. This song and video are heart wrenching and I am sure this is what all infertile couples feel. We are doing our part to help heal the pain for one family. Please take a moment to watch the video. Be sure to have tissues close by! :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

I did it!

I am happy to announce I made it through my first Lupron shot! Last night, I was really nervous beforehand thinking about what was to happen at 9pm. Al and I had ice cream together for a little "shot treat" and then we watched the training video one more time to get ready. It took me a second to go for it, but it actually wasn't that bad. There was a little stinging sensation for a minute or so but no blood. My stomach had a red circle around it and a small bump for about an hour but that's it. I guess I can handle that. (Although I am nervous to do it again tonight!) Everyone will be happy to know that Al made it through the shot just fine too and never even got queasy! He is really getting good at this medical/ pregnancy stuff. Way to go honey! I talked to R afterwards to give her the update and she said it will only hurt the first couple of times but after that I should be totally used to it. That is good to know. Here are a couple pictures of the big event. (Ignore the stomach fat please!)

Contracts are Completed!

I am happy to say we are officially done with the horrible contract! That was much more difficult than any of the shots will be! Everything is signed off and in the attorney's hands. We are just waiting to recieve a copy with everyone's signatures on it. Thanks to our neighbors who witnessed our signatures on Sunday!!!

Tomorrow is the big day- the start of shots. I donated blood for one last time yesterday and compared to those needles- Lupron should be a breeze! I feel comfortable about it all but of course I will have the 2 instruction books with me in the bathroom tomorrow night to walk me through the steps. Unfortunately- I have to get good at this really quick because on Saturday I will be at one of my good friends bachelorette parties in the city and have to figure out how to give my shot "remotely" out of the privacy of my own home. I have 2 days of practice first and then it's time to become a pro. I guess I will be walking around with my needle and drugs in my purse all night! I am sure I won't be the only one in Chicago walking around with drugs-but at least my drugs are legal! :)

We are looking forward to Sunday when we have lunch scheduled with R & S and then a visit at our house. We had a very nice talk with the kids the other night about surrogacy and they both think its something nice that we should do. We explained to them that the Dr. will be making the baby in the doctors office and then when the baby is really tiny, he will put it into my tummy so I can help it grow big enough to go home to R & S. We had to explain that R's tummy doesn't work well to hold babies so that is why she has to use my tummy to make it work. We told the kids how important they were to us and how we couldn't imagine life without them and that is why we want to help another family to have a baby (or 2). Both boys seemed amazingly ok with it all (it's not the first time we discussed surrogacy with them, but it is the first time we told them about R & S and their little dog too!) We also ordered a book online that we read them that night called "The Kangaroo Pouch" which is a story about surrogacy when one kangaroo carries a baby for another kangaroo who can't. After reading it Gavin said "That is like we are going to do!".

This is what it takes!

Here is a photo of what my very near future holds. (6 days and counting!) I have read through the instruction book and watched a video online on how to administer the lupron shots. Seems like it should be easy enough but we'll see when the time comes. It is amazing how many drugs are required to make this happen.

R & I had a conversation yesterday which was definitely needed. We were able to share our concerns with each other about the contract and work through the final issues. I feel SO much better now that we have gotten through that. The contract is being finalized today and should be sent to us Fed Ex once R & S sign it.

Getting closer now!

Meds are here!

The meds arrived at my work today and its taking everything in me not to tear the box open to see what is in store for me. But, I am making myself wait until I get home for obvious reasons.

Al and I met with our attorney last night for 2 hours and reviewed the 46 page contract! I was really impressed by our attorney's knowledge and experience (she has gone through IVF multiple times herself) and has worked with both IP's and surrogates in the past. Unfortunately, there were a number concerns on the contract that require further discussion. This is all making me very uneasy since there are so many "what if's" and horrible scenarios to consider. I hate this part! It is scary to think of everything that can happen and to try to make sure we are protecting ourselves and our family as much as possible so our children are not suffering in any way from my decision to do this. Obviously, my kids are the most important thing and I want to make sure they will grow from this experience- not suffer from it. I am hopeful that we all can work through the issues in a positive way.

Also, our dinner on Sunday with R & S is being rescheduled. We are bummed because we were looking forward to something positive after getting through the contract but now it will have to wait. Hopefully everything will work out so we can move forward as planned.

Meds Calendar

I received the calendar today for the first few meds I will be starting. It is kind of scary to see this all in writing! First, my Lupron shots will now start a day earlier than expected- 7/24. (That is 2 weeks from tomorrow!) I will be taking 10 units of lupron once daily between 6pm-10pm. I'll have to think about what time will be most convenient so I can keep on a routine. I will continue on BCP's through 7/31. On 8/5, I will go in for blood and an ultrasound . Then on 8/7, the amount of Lupron will decrease to 5 units every night. Also on 8/7 I will begin using Vivelle patches which will start with 1 for 3 days and will continue to increase through August for up to 4 patches for 3 days. Then, I am taking Estrace/Estradoil orally 2ce a day. Both the Vivelle and Estrace are forms of Estrogen used to help thicken the uterine lining. On 8/14, I go in again for blood and ultrasound check. This is not my complete meds schedule- its only the beginning! I am still waiting on schedules for Progesterone (which I believe are suppositories), Doxycycline & Medrol/Methylprednisilone. Is anyone else confused yet? I guess I need to start learning what each of these drugs are and what they are used for. It's strange to me that no one has truly explained the process to me from the RE office. Oh well, more info for me to research online. At least there is officially a plan in action now for meds. Time to get organized!

Attorney Meeting Scheduled/ RE Office Call

We have confirmed a meeting with our attorney for Tuesday, 7/15th at 5:45pm to review the contract. We are expecting to receive a copy towards the end of this week to begin reviewing it. I am anxious to start reading the 30+ pages so we can get a jump start. R & I talked today and we are both concerned with the timing. Hopefully there will not be any major changes to the contract since it needs to be finalized prior to 7/25- the start of meds.

I talked to the IVF nurse today and she said I should be receiving all of my meds on 7/18 just to be safe. She is also finalizing a calendar which will walk me through day by day on how to follow the drug protocol. I also talked to her about the horrible prenatals they have me on now. I have never tasted anything that bad in my life! I believe the name is Natelle?!? Nasty stuff. I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, choke down the pills and then brush my teeth again because the taste from the pills kills me! Then on top of that- I have even tasted it again hours later if I happen to burp! EEWWW! I can't even imagine how it would be to take these pregnant so the RE nurse is planning on subscribing me different prenatals. I have never had a problem in the past with other prenatals so hopefully we will find an alternative.

Another step closer! Wow- this summer is truly going to fly by with all of this to look forward to!

Dinner with IP's

It's Sunday evening and we just got back home from an awesome evening with R & S. Can you believe Al let me plan a dinner during the Cubs/ Cards game? Thank God for Tivo (or now DVR since we made the switch this weekend.)

First, thanks so much to my sister Kris who watched the kids. They had an amazing time swimming and playing with their cousins. What a nice Sunday evening for them! We had a very difficult time getting the kids to leave though but finally managed to after using our fall back parenting technique- threatening!

Now back to us- we started the night off at R & S's house on the North Shore. What a beautiful home they have together! It is definitely screaming for children to come in to start coloring on the walls and denting the furniture and needs at least a few hundred toys laying around. It really is a beautiful home and such a great place to welcome a family. They were even lucky enough to move into the house with ready made boy/ girl nurseries. The rooms are super cute with hand painted murals on the walls. Now I definitely feel some pressure to help make boy/ girl twins so we can fill those rooms!

We had a nice time sitting out on the deck talking for awhile. I enjoyed my glass of Chardonnay (I am enjoying those while I can since it won't be much longer before I have to say goodbye to my beloved Chardonnay again.) :( R and I sat together at the table to talk while S and Al sat in the shade on the deck doing "guy" talk. I even got to see their wedding album which was really nice. What a beautiful bride! Then we made our way to J Alexanders restaurant for a wonderful dinner. It was so much fun to have an adult night out! Al and I should do that more often. The dinner conversation went very smoothly and again time flew by! I hated to leave because I felt like we could keep talking for hours. We made tentative plans to have R & S over to our house in 2 weeks to meet the kids and then do dinner at a Gurnee Restaurant. Hopefully they will be able to handle a short visit at our house- they are both very allergic to cats so we'll have to keep Dexter locked up! There is so much we want to share with them when they come over but I am sure our kids will be stealing the show. :) Hopefully they won't be shy when they meet them. Our kids are usually very outgoing and very entertaining.

Overall I think the night went very well. It feels like we have known them for a long time already and its hard to believe it has actually only been just short of 2 months since our first meeting. R said their attorney has forwarded the contract to our attorney within the past few days so hopefully we will be getting a call this week to set up an appointment to meet her in person. We are down to 19 days left before I am scheduled to start meds so we need to get the contract signed, sealed and delivered before then.

I am hoping and praying that everything will work out and that nothing will change our plans to move forward.

Thanks again R & S for the wonderful dinner. Next time it is our treat! :)

Thanks for your support!

We recently sent out an email update to all of our friends and family along with this blog link to let everyone know we are officially moving forward with surrogacy. I am amazed at the wonderful amount of support we have received from so many people. It is so nice to hear that we have so many people behind us for this journey. It's funny that most of my friends think I am crazy for doing this- but they are supportive and they actually are not surprised at all. Everyone knows that I love being pregnant and love babies in general so they can understand how this is so important to me.

I hope there will come a time for our friends and family to meet R & S. (Obviously depending on if they are comfortable with that.) They are truly amazing people and I feel so blessed to have been matched with them. It is just amazing at how everything has worked out so far. R and I had another wonderful "heart to heart" last night over the phone again which I immensely enjoyed. It is so great getting to know them both more. R said they feel so lucky to have found Al and I, but they have no idea how lucky we feel to have found them too! It will mean so much more bringing a baby(ies) into the world for a couple that means so much to us- already. I can't wait to see how the relationship blossoms over the coming months.

I was also so thrilled to hear from R that her family and friends have been equally supportive and accepting of them using a surrogate to begin their family. It is hard to know what people's reaction will be so it is a relief that their side is open to this as well and that they accept us. It's really important to me that R & S's family like us too so hopefully this blog will allow them to get to know us better as well. And of course I can't wait for R's mom to join us on dr. appointments to see, feel and hear her grandbaby(ies) while in my tummy.

R & S are meeting with their attorney today so we are hoping to get the contract soon and then schedule our attorney meeting. I am looking forward to getting this last step finalized so we can relax and focus on the medical side of things starting in approximately 24 days!!!!!!!! The countdown is on.

Al and I were talking the other night and I mentioned how I actually want to video the birth (obviously the clean parts only) but mainly I want to video R & S's reaction the first time they see their baby(ies). I know those few seconds will mean the world to me and I don't want to miss out on that. If for some reason I have to have a c-section or if I have to be put to sleep for a bit, I would be devastated to miss their reaction. This is the thing I look forward to most of all and will cherish forever. Hopefully they will be open to us taping the birth as well for my own little piece to remind me of what we helped accomplish. This is all such a miracle!

Thanks again to all of you for your support. We can't wait to share the final chapter of our story with you!

Venting!!!!

I am so confused! Yesterday, I called FCI to ask what the results were with our medical tests and found out everything was fine. At that time I told the coordinator about my need for a new birth control pill prescription and she called it in. Then last night when I got home from Target, I found a completely new BCP in the bag. I had no idea it was going to change but it did for some reason. So this morning I started the new pill pack as I normally would. Then, this afternoon I got a message from the FCI coordinator asking me to call her back. So when I did she acted like we didn't even talk yesterday and she said "I just wanted to let you know your medical tests came back clear". So then I said "yeah, I know you told me that yesterday". Hello!!! So, then I brought up the fact that the BCP was a different prescription that they called in for me yesterday and she was surprised to hear that and said it should have been the Loestrin FE 24 that I have been on for 8 months. Then I asked her if I should continue taking the pill as always and then she said "Oh, wait, no you shouldn't be taking it right now, wait until Sunday to start the active pills and then just stay on active pills through July". So then I was thinking- shouldn't that have come up yesterday during our discussion about the BCP prescription????? Anyway, I felt like she may not really know what is going on so after that crazy call, I called Zara and R to talk about all of this and they suggested I call the IVF Nurse. I talked to the IVF nurse and sure enough, there was a misunderstanding with the FCI Coordinator. Somehow she thought I didn't have a period this month (even though I told her I did), so she was telling me to wait on the new pills. But after all this, I should be continuing my pills as normal with just the actives until I start lupron. Now, I need to make a 3rd trip to Target today for my original BCP! Let's hope things get more organized from here on out. What a nightmare! It's just frustrating because we haven't even started the real stuff yet (with the meds) and if they screw up the BCP, it worries me about the meds. This is so real and so important! I need- we all need for everyone to be on board so we can proceed. Sorry, just had to get this off my chest.

Phone Conversation

R and I had our first phone conversation this evening which was about 45 minutes long. It was awesome to be able to talk with her at length about so many different things. I truly feel we have a great connection and look forward to getting to know her more. (Hopefully you feel the same- R.) :)

We planned a get together for Sunday, 7/6 and it can't come soon enough. I am looking forward to an evening out with Al and of course with R & S. It will be strange to be in a restaurant without having to order chicken fingers and grilled cheese. Wow- how exciting is that? Luckily my sister Kris has agreed to watch the 3 kids that night while we visit. Yippee!

Then, hopefully within a couple weeks after that, we will plan another get together and have R & S meet our kids. I can't wait for them to see Carson, Gavin and Morgan in person and to get to know them too. Our kids are so darn cute- and funny too! Yesterday, we were at Grandma's house for a cookout and Gavin met some new people there and he decided to tell them that he bites his nails and picks his nose too. Such honest children we are raising. :)

Well it's almost 11pm- way past my bedtime and tomorrow is my first day back in the office after vacation. YUCK! I wish I could continue this time off for at least another week or two. I know I will miss the kids so much tomorrow after being with them for 10 days straight. Wish me luck to get through the day.

Medically Approved!

Well we are back from our very hot vacation to Palm Desert, CA! We spent most of the time at the large pools as well as some sight seeing. The best attraction was the Palm Springs Aerial Tram which was just featured last week on the Bachelorette. That was a great experience to ride the tram up to the mountain top and spend the day hiking in 75 degree weather compared to 115 degrees at the bottom! We also visited the Living Desert where Carson and Gavin fed a giraffe. That was pretty cool! It was actually a nice vacation despite the heat. My lovely period arrived right as scheduled on Thursday, 6/19 to spend the rest of the vacation with me. So that is good news for R & S. :)

I called Dr. M's office today to find out the results from our medical tests and heard the good news- everything was fine! So, I believe this officially means we are able to proceed with contracts and finalizing plans to start meds next month. I also had to ask Dr. M's office to call in a new birth control prescription for me since my current one expired this morning!!!!! YIKES! Yep, my trip to Target for a refill yesterday was a waste. Let's just hope they don't forget to make the call to get the refill ordered. I need to pick up this pill pack today- or tomorrow at the very latest. I wouldn't want to mess up any cycling so hopefully all will work out.

Dr. Appointment Recap

Well, yesterday was our appointment with Dr. M. Al and I both had blood and urine tests and then I had a saline sonogram and pap smear. I am thrilled to say it was no where near as bad as I expected. (Perhaps I should stop reading all the posts on the internet!) It was basically just like a regular pap but also had the liquid saline shot up in my uterus. Everything looked good from the exam so now we just need to wait about a week for the other test results. The Dr. seemed very nice although we only spent about 5 minutes together and of course I was extremely nervous at the time. (That's what sitting on a bed dressed in nothing but a ripped tablecloth will do to you when you are meeting someone for the first time!) I was so nervous with the Dr. and nurse that I just kept saying funny things to lighten the mood. For instance, the dr. asked me if I have ever had any breast problems and I said "yes, major shrinkage from nursing 3 kids for a year each!" :)

After the medical appointment, we met with an IVF surrogacy coordinator along with R & S. I was totally nervous at first. It was a bit awkward sitting in the doctors office with all 4 of us seeing eachother again for the first time since 5/12, but once we all started talking again everything went smoothly. I was so happy to finally get to see them and be able to talk about everything. I feel so terrible about everything they have been through over the past couple of years. No one should have to deal with all of that.

It looks like I will start lupron injections sometime around 7/25. Luckily, this clinic only uses one type of injections- the Lupron. All other drugs will be in the form of suppositories or patches. Whohoo! What a relief. Again, I have read so many bad stories online about the horrible inter muscular- oil based injections. I am thrilled to hear I will be inserting these elsewhere instead of more shots.

The egg retrieval would be somewhere between 8/17-8/23 and then the transfer would most likely be 5 days after. We are still discussing how many eggs we would transfer. This will really be finalized at the time of the contract. I am very scared to transfer more than 2. I really want to make sure I am making safe decisions for myself and not putting myself in a position where my own children will suffer if I am on bedrest. But, on the other hand, I want to make sure this will actually work and that R & S will get a baby out of this! It is hard to believe this is actually happening. It feels surreal to me.

We are leaving in 4 days for a family vacation to Palm Desert, CA and I am really looking forward to a relaxing time as a family. It will be great to get away from work and responsibility and be able to spend time thinking about this amazing journey. I pray that all will go well for us and of course for R & S.

Happy 40th birthday to R today!!!!! I hope you get everything you want. :)

Medical Appointment News on Monday!

I received an email yesterday afternoon from Zara saying that we officially passed our psych test! YIPPEE- we are not crazy. That is comforting news. :)

But, the best news of all is that Zara told us on Monday, 6/9th, after our medical screening appointment at 1pm we will have a meeting with the IVF team at 2pm and R & S will be there! Wow, I am shocked. We actually get to see them again- FINALLY! We are not sure what the appointment will entail but we are excited to hear we can sit down and spend more time with R & S. It will be a little strange meeting with medical professionals all together since we haven't even been able to talk since 5/12. Hopefully my nerves will settle down by then. Maybe if we are really lucky we will get done in time to go somewhere afterwards with R & S for a drink to get to know each other better. I feel guilty suggesting liquor as a potential SM, but it may be the last (and only) time we can sit down and have a glass of wine all together. We'll see how the day goes. We may have an issue anyway since we have to be back in time on Monday to pick up the kids from day care.

Psych Test

Well, we made it through the appointment on Friday with the Psychologist. We met together for about an hour with her and then I had the horrible task of completing the 567 true and false question psych test. Yikes! That brought me right back to school filling out scan-tron tests for an hour and a half! Let's hope I passed the test considering most of the questions were CRAZY! For example: "I want to kill myself", "I hear voices", "I am afraid of dreams" etc....... We should know the outcome very soon. Next Monday, 6/9 is our medical exam for both Al and I so I am looking forward to completing another step. And, the best part is once we have clearance from both of these, we might actually be able to talk to R & S again! Wouldn't that be nice?

Updates..........

Well, we are still waiting to hear an update from our attorney and IP's attorney regarding the insurance issue. Everyday I am hoping to get "the call" which will hopefully give us the ok to proceed. It seems like we are the only ones concerned with our insurance which maybe is a sign that means we can work through it. I hope so!!!! This journey is on my mind every minute of every day. I want to do it so bad and hope it will work out.

We are moving forward though with our appointments. Al and I both have our psych screening on Friday, 5/30 to make sure we are not crazy. :) I am looking forward to it since its a step closer to my dream. Please keep praying that everything will work out for us to proceed and to work with R & S.

P.S.- It is still so difficult that we haven't been able to talk to R & S at all since our initial meeting. I am dying to talk to them again and to hopefully get together again soon. I want them to meet our kids and we want to get to know them so much better. Hopefully soon!

Insurance issues!

I am freaking out and have been all weekend! Al did a web inquiry last week on the BCBS sight to make sure surrogacy would be covered and unfortunately, the call we received said it is not covered. There is nothing at all on the benefits plan specifically listing an exclusion for surrogacy however there is this horrible quote that says "the only things covered are listed in the plan. If its not listed, its not covered." So, I have this horrible feeling this is the way BCBS gets out of it. I am just sick about it! I want so bad for this to work out and I already have my heart set on our IP's. Our attorney says not to panic yet until she researches it more. I will just be absolutely devastated if this falls through before it even begins!!!!!!!!!

Doctor Visit Scheduled

Today I was able to finalize the medical screening appointment with Dr. M for both Al and I. Our appointment will be on Mon. 6/9 at 1pm. Prior to this appointment, we need to have the psyche screening done. I have to wait until Tuesday to arrange that appointment since the Dr. is on vacation. Hopefully most of these appointments will fall on my "off" days so I don't have to worry about missing work before we even begin the process! So many steps to take and so much to remember to do. Thank goodness we have a vacation planned for next month. We will need it!

Transfer Dates!

OMG! We got a call from Zara tonight and found out the transfer could occur anywhere between 8/23-9/4 if all things work out! Holy Cow! I am shocked it is moving this fast and am totally excited! I gave the "ok" to Zara that we are on board with that. What an exciting call!

Next Steps

After we verbally confirmed our commitment to work together we needed to get started on the next steps. I had to call both of my OB's to request my pregnancy and delivery records to be faxed or mailed to Zara and also needed record of my latest Pap Results from 06/07. Unfortunately, doctor's offices seem to drag their feet quite a bit so even though I called 3 days ago, we are still waiting for the forms. Once Zara receives my records, she will then forward them to the Fertility Dr.- Dr. M to review and approve me as a good candidate.

In the meantime, I had to select an attorney which I did. I chose a woman located about 40 minutes from us and seemed extremely helpful and knowledgeable over the phone. R & S have already selected their attorney and in fact have an appointment with her on Monday to start up the contract.

Once Dr. M gives us the go ahead, I need to make an appointment for Al and I at the psychologist to do our testing there.

I believe that is it for now. We are just waiting for more to happen so we can move forward.

The worst thing is we have not been able to talk to R & S since our dinner on Monday. The agency rule is to wait until all contracts are signed before we develop too close of a relationship and then hope that nothing falls through. I hate not talking or emailing them. I feel like we started off so great on Monday night at dinner and I want to continue getting to know them more. It's killing me! Well, I never did say I was a patient person.

Hopefully things will progress quickly for this part so we can start talking to R & S again.

The Match Meeting

On Monday, 5/12/08, Zara and the Intended Parents "R" and "S" met us for dinner at On the Border. I was sick to my stomach all day- most likely nerves but felt immediately better once we met them. They both seemed so nice and friendly and outgoing! It was like we were already friends with them. We spent an hour and a half together talking about everything we could in such a short amount of time. Zara was great to keep the conversation going and helped make all of us feel comfortable. The couple lives only about 30 minutes from us which is ideal. They are also hoping to have a very close relationship with their SM (Surrogate Mother) throughout the journey and long after. This is my ideal goal...... I really want to develop a friendship and strong bond that will last forever. I want to be able to get together alot during the pregnancy but more importantly after the baby arrives. I am not going to be psychotic about it- but I do want to see how the baby grows up periodically.

On the way home Al and I both agreed that we really liked R & S and that we couldn't find one negative thing about them so far. It really did seem surreal, or too good to be true. But then, I was worried that they didn't like us for some reason or they felt they wanted to move faster. I was consumed with so many thoughts that whole night and had nightmares that they didn't like us.

The next morning Zara called and told me they definitely want to work with us. What a relief! I already felt emotionally attached to them and knew I wanted to help create their family. I would have been devastated if it all fell through even before it began!

So, Zara confirmed "Congratulations, you are matched!"

WOW!

The Beginning.......

It is May 2008 and I have decided to start this blog to track the journey that we are about to begin. To start at the very beginning, I must tell you that when Morgan was born, I was told that we are "officially" done adding to our family. Al (my husband) was very adamant that we are complete now with two boys and a girl. After many discussions, I reluctantly agreed. I realized though how sad I was to know I would never be pregnant again and never go through labor again. I know, I am crazy to actually want to keep reliving the labor process but the emotional aspect of it by far out-weighs the physical.

So last fall, I decided to talk to Al about my dream to become a surrogate. I waited for the perfect time one evening when the kids were in bed so we could have a heart-to-heart talk over a glass of wine. I was terrified to bring it up since I had no idea what his reaction would be. Amazingly, he was not shocked at all about my request and was supportive right off the bat. I was thrilled! This is something I had thought of in the back of my mind for years but never thought it could actually happen. We have seen many close friends suffer through different levels of infertility and it really makes us count our blessings and for me- makes me want to give back in a way.

After many discussions with Al I decided to start my research online to educate myself and began reading endless personal stories and journals online from surrogates and IP's. (Intended Parents). My heart melted with each story and I knew this was something I not only wanted to do, but could do!

I found two agencies in IL that I was interested in. The first was Parenting Partners and the other was Family Source Consultants. I called both agencies and had a long conversation about surrogacy. Immediately, I felt the strongest bond with Zara with Family Source. Al and I ended up meeting Zara in person for lunch on Tuesday, 5/6/08 and we knew right then we wanted to work with her agency. We looked at a number of current IP profiles she had and there were a couple that we liked- but didn't love, mainly due to location. We were not in any rush so we basically decided to just hold off.

Two days later, Zara called to say she just received a call from new IP's and felt they were the ideal match for us. I couldn't believe it! We just met Zara two days ago and at this point we didn't even have our profile completed or any other steps taken to be accepted as a surrogate candidate. She said she told the couple about us and they were interested and wanted to see my profile. We completed the paperwork and sent it out on Friday. That day, we also received the profile for "R" (IM) and "S" (IF). The minute I opened it up, I knew I would love them! Their pictures were so darn cute and I felt terrible at all the losses they have been through within the past 2 years. So, next step was to meet in person.





Here are the 3 reasons this is so important to me! No one should ever be denied this bliss. :)