A Dream- Surrogacy Poem

Here is a poem I just copied from another surromom's blog. Thanks Jenifer!!! I just loved this when I read it and wanted to share it with you all.

A Dream
by Lain

Our friendship started differently,
Than most friendships I've had.
We had to search each other out,
because of something sad.

A precious child to fill your hearts,
Is what you're longing for.
Infertility has made it hard,
to open up that door.

And so a search began for you,
to find a helping heart.
So similar to my own search,
not knowing where to start.

For me, the search is special,
it requires such great care.
A couple to have a child...
the fruit my search must bare.

Now we've found each other,
so much more real it seems.
Through faith and hope and honesty,
we're moving toward your dream.

But the dream we have,
it is the same, a dream that's filled with firsts.
First smiles, first laughs, first steps, first words.
All starting with a birth.

Often times I find myself wondering what it's like,
to have to trust a stranger with such a precious life.
And though I can't imagine,all that you've been through,
I hope you know I'll do my best to bring a child to you.

Surrogacy is something not everyone can do.
But I've been so blessed in my life,
I'm drawn to helping you.
Some people call us Angels, us surro-moms to be.
But I don't feel angelic, I just feel like me.

Our journey is just starting,
and no one knows the end.
I pray it brings to you a child,
and brings to me a friend.

Sunday's Get Together

We met R & S for lunch on Sunday with our kids and then they came over to our house for a short time afterwards. Carson was pretty shy, Gavin wouldn't stop talking and Morgan was just her laid back sweet self. Gavin spent most of the time introducing R & S to his "E". (His one and only special teddy bear.) After they left, the kids kept asking when they are going to their house and when they can meet Lola- their dog. Carson was sad when they left because he didn't get to show them his "wii". Silly boy!

Other updates:
I have done 5 lupron shots so far now and they have been a breeze. It must have been nerves the first time when it stung a little because now I barely feel it. I was even a pro doing the shot in the bar's public restroom during the bachelorette party on Saturday. I have to say- this was the first time I actually didn't despise the "bathroom attendant" who turned on the faucet for me, squeezed my soap and handed me the paper towels! At least I didn't have to touch anything nasty in the bathroom during the shot! It was a fun night with my girlfriends and while they were all getting drunk doing shots- I got to do a shot too (just not the drinking kind.)

I Would Die For That

I have seen this a number of times on friends blogs and other places and feel like this should absolutely be part of my surroblog. This song and video are heart wrenching and I am sure this is what all infertile couples feel. We are doing our part to help heal the pain for one family. Please take a moment to watch the video. Be sure to have tissues close by! :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

I did it!

I am happy to announce I made it through my first Lupron shot! Last night, I was really nervous beforehand thinking about what was to happen at 9pm. Al and I had ice cream together for a little "shot treat" and then we watched the training video one more time to get ready. It took me a second to go for it, but it actually wasn't that bad. There was a little stinging sensation for a minute or so but no blood. My stomach had a red circle around it and a small bump for about an hour but that's it. I guess I can handle that. (Although I am nervous to do it again tonight!) Everyone will be happy to know that Al made it through the shot just fine too and never even got queasy! He is really getting good at this medical/ pregnancy stuff. Way to go honey! I talked to R afterwards to give her the update and she said it will only hurt the first couple of times but after that I should be totally used to it. That is good to know. Here are a couple pictures of the big event. (Ignore the stomach fat please!)

Contracts are Completed!

I am happy to say we are officially done with the horrible contract! That was much more difficult than any of the shots will be! Everything is signed off and in the attorney's hands. We are just waiting to recieve a copy with everyone's signatures on it. Thanks to our neighbors who witnessed our signatures on Sunday!!!

Tomorrow is the big day- the start of shots. I donated blood for one last time yesterday and compared to those needles- Lupron should be a breeze! I feel comfortable about it all but of course I will have the 2 instruction books with me in the bathroom tomorrow night to walk me through the steps. Unfortunately- I have to get good at this really quick because on Saturday I will be at one of my good friends bachelorette parties in the city and have to figure out how to give my shot "remotely" out of the privacy of my own home. I have 2 days of practice first and then it's time to become a pro. I guess I will be walking around with my needle and drugs in my purse all night! I am sure I won't be the only one in Chicago walking around with drugs-but at least my drugs are legal! :)

We are looking forward to Sunday when we have lunch scheduled with R & S and then a visit at our house. We had a very nice talk with the kids the other night about surrogacy and they both think its something nice that we should do. We explained to them that the Dr. will be making the baby in the doctors office and then when the baby is really tiny, he will put it into my tummy so I can help it grow big enough to go home to R & S. We had to explain that R's tummy doesn't work well to hold babies so that is why she has to use my tummy to make it work. We told the kids how important they were to us and how we couldn't imagine life without them and that is why we want to help another family to have a baby (or 2). Both boys seemed amazingly ok with it all (it's not the first time we discussed surrogacy with them, but it is the first time we told them about R & S and their little dog too!) We also ordered a book online that we read them that night called "The Kangaroo Pouch" which is a story about surrogacy when one kangaroo carries a baby for another kangaroo who can't. After reading it Gavin said "That is like we are going to do!".

This is what it takes!

Here is a photo of what my very near future holds. (6 days and counting!) I have read through the instruction book and watched a video online on how to administer the lupron shots. Seems like it should be easy enough but we'll see when the time comes. It is amazing how many drugs are required to make this happen.

R & I had a conversation yesterday which was definitely needed. We were able to share our concerns with each other about the contract and work through the final issues. I feel SO much better now that we have gotten through that. The contract is being finalized today and should be sent to us Fed Ex once R & S sign it.

Getting closer now!

Meds are here!

The meds arrived at my work today and its taking everything in me not to tear the box open to see what is in store for me. But, I am making myself wait until I get home for obvious reasons.

Al and I met with our attorney last night for 2 hours and reviewed the 46 page contract! I was really impressed by our attorney's knowledge and experience (she has gone through IVF multiple times herself) and has worked with both IP's and surrogates in the past. Unfortunately, there were a number concerns on the contract that require further discussion. This is all making me very uneasy since there are so many "what if's" and horrible scenarios to consider. I hate this part! It is scary to think of everything that can happen and to try to make sure we are protecting ourselves and our family as much as possible so our children are not suffering in any way from my decision to do this. Obviously, my kids are the most important thing and I want to make sure they will grow from this experience- not suffer from it. I am hopeful that we all can work through the issues in a positive way.

Also, our dinner on Sunday with R & S is being rescheduled. We are bummed because we were looking forward to something positive after getting through the contract but now it will have to wait. Hopefully everything will work out so we can move forward as planned.

Meds Calendar

I received the calendar today for the first few meds I will be starting. It is kind of scary to see this all in writing! First, my Lupron shots will now start a day earlier than expected- 7/24. (That is 2 weeks from tomorrow!) I will be taking 10 units of lupron once daily between 6pm-10pm. I'll have to think about what time will be most convenient so I can keep on a routine. I will continue on BCP's through 7/31. On 8/5, I will go in for blood and an ultrasound . Then on 8/7, the amount of Lupron will decrease to 5 units every night. Also on 8/7 I will begin using Vivelle patches which will start with 1 for 3 days and will continue to increase through August for up to 4 patches for 3 days. Then, I am taking Estrace/Estradoil orally 2ce a day. Both the Vivelle and Estrace are forms of Estrogen used to help thicken the uterine lining. On 8/14, I go in again for blood and ultrasound check. This is not my complete meds schedule- its only the beginning! I am still waiting on schedules for Progesterone (which I believe are suppositories), Doxycycline & Medrol/Methylprednisilone. Is anyone else confused yet? I guess I need to start learning what each of these drugs are and what they are used for. It's strange to me that no one has truly explained the process to me from the RE office. Oh well, more info for me to research online. At least there is officially a plan in action now for meds. Time to get organized!

Attorney Meeting Scheduled/ RE Office Call

We have confirmed a meeting with our attorney for Tuesday, 7/15th at 5:45pm to review the contract. We are expecting to receive a copy towards the end of this week to begin reviewing it. I am anxious to start reading the 30+ pages so we can get a jump start. R & I talked today and we are both concerned with the timing. Hopefully there will not be any major changes to the contract since it needs to be finalized prior to 7/25- the start of meds.

I talked to the IVF nurse today and she said I should be receiving all of my meds on 7/18 just to be safe. She is also finalizing a calendar which will walk me through day by day on how to follow the drug protocol. I also talked to her about the horrible prenatals they have me on now. I have never tasted anything that bad in my life! I believe the name is Natelle?!? Nasty stuff. I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, choke down the pills and then brush my teeth again because the taste from the pills kills me! Then on top of that- I have even tasted it again hours later if I happen to burp! EEWWW! I can't even imagine how it would be to take these pregnant so the RE nurse is planning on subscribing me different prenatals. I have never had a problem in the past with other prenatals so hopefully we will find an alternative.

Another step closer! Wow- this summer is truly going to fly by with all of this to look forward to!

Dinner with IP's

It's Sunday evening and we just got back home from an awesome evening with R & S. Can you believe Al let me plan a dinner during the Cubs/ Cards game? Thank God for Tivo (or now DVR since we made the switch this weekend.)

First, thanks so much to my sister Kris who watched the kids. They had an amazing time swimming and playing with their cousins. What a nice Sunday evening for them! We had a very difficult time getting the kids to leave though but finally managed to after using our fall back parenting technique- threatening!

Now back to us- we started the night off at R & S's house on the North Shore. What a beautiful home they have together! It is definitely screaming for children to come in to start coloring on the walls and denting the furniture and needs at least a few hundred toys laying around. It really is a beautiful home and such a great place to welcome a family. They were even lucky enough to move into the house with ready made boy/ girl nurseries. The rooms are super cute with hand painted murals on the walls. Now I definitely feel some pressure to help make boy/ girl twins so we can fill those rooms!

We had a nice time sitting out on the deck talking for awhile. I enjoyed my glass of Chardonnay (I am enjoying those while I can since it won't be much longer before I have to say goodbye to my beloved Chardonnay again.) :( R and I sat together at the table to talk while S and Al sat in the shade on the deck doing "guy" talk. I even got to see their wedding album which was really nice. What a beautiful bride! Then we made our way to J Alexanders restaurant for a wonderful dinner. It was so much fun to have an adult night out! Al and I should do that more often. The dinner conversation went very smoothly and again time flew by! I hated to leave because I felt like we could keep talking for hours. We made tentative plans to have R & S over to our house in 2 weeks to meet the kids and then do dinner at a Gurnee Restaurant. Hopefully they will be able to handle a short visit at our house- they are both very allergic to cats so we'll have to keep Dexter locked up! There is so much we want to share with them when they come over but I am sure our kids will be stealing the show. :) Hopefully they won't be shy when they meet them. Our kids are usually very outgoing and very entertaining.

Overall I think the night went very well. It feels like we have known them for a long time already and its hard to believe it has actually only been just short of 2 months since our first meeting. R said their attorney has forwarded the contract to our attorney within the past few days so hopefully we will be getting a call this week to set up an appointment to meet her in person. We are down to 19 days left before I am scheduled to start meds so we need to get the contract signed, sealed and delivered before then.

I am hoping and praying that everything will work out and that nothing will change our plans to move forward.

Thanks again R & S for the wonderful dinner. Next time it is our treat! :)

Thanks for your support!

We recently sent out an email update to all of our friends and family along with this blog link to let everyone know we are officially moving forward with surrogacy. I am amazed at the wonderful amount of support we have received from so many people. It is so nice to hear that we have so many people behind us for this journey. It's funny that most of my friends think I am crazy for doing this- but they are supportive and they actually are not surprised at all. Everyone knows that I love being pregnant and love babies in general so they can understand how this is so important to me.

I hope there will come a time for our friends and family to meet R & S. (Obviously depending on if they are comfortable with that.) They are truly amazing people and I feel so blessed to have been matched with them. It is just amazing at how everything has worked out so far. R and I had another wonderful "heart to heart" last night over the phone again which I immensely enjoyed. It is so great getting to know them both more. R said they feel so lucky to have found Al and I, but they have no idea how lucky we feel to have found them too! It will mean so much more bringing a baby(ies) into the world for a couple that means so much to us- already. I can't wait to see how the relationship blossoms over the coming months.

I was also so thrilled to hear from R that her family and friends have been equally supportive and accepting of them using a surrogate to begin their family. It is hard to know what people's reaction will be so it is a relief that their side is open to this as well and that they accept us. It's really important to me that R & S's family like us too so hopefully this blog will allow them to get to know us better as well. And of course I can't wait for R's mom to join us on dr. appointments to see, feel and hear her grandbaby(ies) while in my tummy.

R & S are meeting with their attorney today so we are hoping to get the contract soon and then schedule our attorney meeting. I am looking forward to getting this last step finalized so we can relax and focus on the medical side of things starting in approximately 24 days!!!!!!!! The countdown is on.

Al and I were talking the other night and I mentioned how I actually want to video the birth (obviously the clean parts only) but mainly I want to video R & S's reaction the first time they see their baby(ies). I know those few seconds will mean the world to me and I don't want to miss out on that. If for some reason I have to have a c-section or if I have to be put to sleep for a bit, I would be devastated to miss their reaction. This is the thing I look forward to most of all and will cherish forever. Hopefully they will be open to us taping the birth as well for my own little piece to remind me of what we helped accomplish. This is all such a miracle!

Thanks again to all of you for your support. We can't wait to share the final chapter of our story with you!