I am starting to freak!

There, I said it. I finally admitted it out loud. (Or at least silently through a blog post). My nerves are getting to me for many reasons.
1) We are about 2 weeks out until transfer which is so major I can't even put it in words
2) I am already feeling fat from the Lupron even though I technically haven't gained any weight (could be just PMS)
3) I am scared to death to tell work about the news
4) I am hoping and praying the transfer takes and we only have to go through cycling once
5) I am still scared about the chance of carrying multiples
6) I feel guilty that my husband has to give up "the deed" with me for awhile
7) Will the baby be healthy and perfect?
8) I am worried at how everything will end. Will we develop a forever lasting bond? Will this baby always be part of my life at least periodically? Will I get to say goodbye at the hospital and make it through that ok? Will I get to witness the baby grow through pictures in the future?
9) Will I ever lose the baby weight from a 4th pregnancy? Will my husband be attracted to me when I am big, fat, and ugly pregnant?

All of these thoughts are going through my head 24 hours a day. Yes- I am excited about the prospect of being pregnant again and I am totally looking forward to doing the most amazing thing we could personally do to make a difference in the world.

But I am human.
I am normal.
I am nervous.

This is just pre-transfer jitters I am sure. Kind of like cold feet before a wedding. (Although I never had that!) I have to just keep picturing the best part of this journey which will be watching R & S finally have the baby of their dreams in their arms and knowing that I helped make that happen. I know the day will be here before we know it and I am looking forward to that day when I can be proud of what my family and I accomplished.

I truly appreciate all of your support and prayers that all goes well. Most of all, I want to say thank you to my wonderful husband. We have such an incredible relationship that I am thankful for every day. I had no idea how we could ever become closer than we already were, but I actually think this journey is doing that for us. Where I am a crazy nervous wreck, Al is so strong and supportive and says "Honey, we can do this!". I could never consider going through such a huge commitment without his help. Thank you for keeping me sane and reassuring me that all will be fine. I love you hon! Can you believe I am saying all these wonderful things on a day you will be home late because you are golfing tonight? This must be love. :)