GOT MILK?

Well that is what I have been up to lately. Three weeks ago today we were in labor and every 4 hours since then (on average) I have been a pumping maniac! I have pumped over 500 ounces of milk in 3 short weeks and am quite proud of my lactation abilities! :) We shipped our first cooler of frozen breast milk on Tuesday which had 250 ounces in it and the rest remains in our deep freezer. I am so happy to be able to provide that to all those preemies in need. Here you go babies! Be strong!

Ok, enough milk talk. I am feeling really good. I started walking and doing some Wii Fit this week in hopes to shed some pounds. Unfortunately, the bleeding is still here, but the pain is gone now so that's good. Sorry Al, three more weeks!

Yesterday I had a quick visit with Baby Luke and R and was amazed at how different he looks. He is starting to fill out more and has so much hair! It was hard to tell in the hospital because it was matted down and then of course he had the newborn hat on most of the time. He looks like an identical miniature version of his Daddy. Just amazing. He was sleeping most of the time while I was there but I got to hold him a little bit and he opened his eyes for me. It was really nice to see him and so surreal to think about him being in my tummy just 3 weeks ago. Wow- I am still in shock. I feel like this whole journey was an out of body experience. It's like I was watching from afar- and not actually going through it. Surreal is the only word that can describe it.

Our kids are doing great with it all. They haven't been sad at all about not bringing a baby home. They have known all along what was going to happen and they are totally fine with it. Morgan calls every baby she sees lately "Baby Luke". Carson told me this week that I am "finally getting skinny again" which was nice. They have all adjusted totally fine like nothing ever happened. I am sure they will be excited to see Luke again soon but for now, they are just busy enjoying their own lives (without a screaming newborn in the house!)

I have had more thoughts over the past couple weeks about pregnancy in general and how I miss it and also have thought about wanting another one of our own someday but I know that is just a fantasy. No way would Al go for that! I know we are done and I'm pretty sure I am done with surrogacy/ pregnancy but you never know.................. Now if only I can talk my sister in law and cousin in law into it so I can live through them this time!

A week ago today..........

It is hard to believe that last week at this time I was nervously awaiting the news of whether or not the induction was going to happen. I have been reliving the entire day in my mind over the past couple days and still can't believe it all happened. (Way too fast if you ask me!) Luke is a week old today. Today is a special day for him too because it's his Bris ceremony. We would have loved to be part of it, but our little guy Gavin has his preschool graduation today at exactly the same time so unfortunately, we can't be at the Bris. Good luck Luke!!! I am sure you will do great!!!

I am feeling really good. Still have not been sad at all about being apart from Luke. It is so hard to explain.......... yes, he came out of me, but was never part of me. He was theirs all along. And I am happy they have him to hold, care for and love. I do look at his pictures quite a bit but they do not bring sadness, only happiness because I helped give him life. He is truly such a cutie and I can't wait to see more pictures of him and watch him grow up. I do miss being pregnant.... (WAIT, DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD?) I know, I am NUTS! It was just a week ago that I was miserable but its amazing how quickly your mind forgets that. I guess I need to just focus on my next goal- losing weight! So far I have lost 15lbs which I guess is ok, but that means I still have 15 more to go which is not going to be easy- especially when I am not allowed back at the gym for 4- 6 weeks.

I have talked to R quite a bit since last week. Luke is doing really well and is back up to 8 lbs (just one ounce shy of his birth weight). She said he is a really good baby! His big brother doesn't really know what to think of him yet, but soon enough they will be best of friends.

Pumping is going great! It still hurts like hell for the first minute or so each time but hopefully that will go away within a week or so. But the good news is, I am up to about 85 ounces frozen already which isn't bad for one week! I have been setting the alarm to wake up 2 or 3 times a night to pump depending on the timing. My goal is to pump at 10pm each night and then only have to wake up at 2am and then pump in the morning when I get up at 6:30am but sometimes the timing of that doesn't work and I have to wake up an additional time. Luckily Al has been very helpful and has been getting up at night with me to take the milk downstairs to the fridge and bring up new bottles. That allows me to crawl back into bed that much quicker! I feel great every time I freeze another bottle. And I of course am enjoying the "bigger" benefits of breastfeeding. :) Al is enjoying that change too but too bad he can't do anything about it for 6 weeks. Poor guy!

I am not sure how much longer I will keep up this blog considering the big event has already happened and I know I am not that exciting for people to continue to follow just for the heck of it. We'll see what happens. Maybe I will continue it for a couple more months to continue to update everyone on how Luke is doing as well as myself.

Introducing........... Luke Andrew!

Sorry it has taken me a few days to update. I will try to recap the birth story here and share with you all as much as possible- although I am sure it will be difficult to put into words what an amazing experience we went through this weekend. I am still pretty much in a state of shock that this actually happened and that we helped bring a perfect little boy into the world. So here goes..........

On Friday, we arrived at the hospital at 11am for a scheduled induction. (Thank you Dr. L!!). By 12:30pm I was hooked up to an IV, had the monitors on and started a little bit of pitocin. I was already having contractions every 3-5 minutes when we got to the hospital and was 4cm dilated. R & S came to the hospital shortly after and we just hung out in the delivery room waiting for more to happen. At 2pm, I was up to 5cm dilated. I was not suffering at all yet but the nurse suggested I get the epidural right then because the sooner I did that, the sooner they would break my water which would speed everything up. So I went ahead and got the epidural at 2:15pm. It was not nearly as bad this time going in as it was with my daughter Morgan. This guy was good!! By 3pm, I was between 5-6cm dilated. Unfortunately, the dr. was not able to come and break my water until 4:40pm so things moved a little slower than expected. At 6:30pm, I was 7cm dilated, 90% effaced and the baby was at 0 station. The dr. said he will come back in an hour or so to check on me and I said "It is not going to take an hour- this part will go by fast!". I was right, because a half hour later, the contractions started seriously hurting in my back and I felt like I needed to push NOW!! By 7pm, I was complete and ready to go. I was so nervous at this point and suffering a bit with the contractions but I was so excited at the same time. The room was packed with medical staff- I think there were like 7 of them in the room. The Dr. said everyone wanted to be there because of our special circumstance with the surrogacy that they wanted to be part of the experience. Speaking of the medical team, I was absolutely spoiled with the best nurses possible! I still can not believe how wonderful they were and how well they took care of me and supported me. I really wasn't sure how the staff would treat me as a surrogate but they were AMAZING! Every single nurse told me what a gift I was giving and they actually said I was the talk of the floor! I joked at one point with the nurses that they were all just coming in the room to see if I had my teeth! (Surrogates have a bad reputation to be white trash!)

Back to the delivery.......... So we started pushing just after 7pm. At first (just like my own 3 kids) the baby was OP- face up. Dr. L helped turn him while I was pushing. Unfortunately at one point, the baby stopped turning and I was pushing his head out sideways- transverse. Then Dr. L gave me an episiotomy to make more room. When I finally pushed his head out, Dr. L had to unwrap the cord around his neck. Al was great as always coaching me and supporting me during the pushing. Then I had half of his body out and Dr. L stopped me from pushing because one of his arms was stuck. I actually felt his arm being pulled up and out of me. Very strange sensation for sure! Then, at 7:27pm, Luke Andrew was born! He was 20 3/4 inches and weighed 8lbs, 1 oz, which is almost a full pound bigger than our largest baby who was 7.2. Luke had a full head of dark hair and long fingers and toes! His daddy cut the cord right when he came out. I didn't really get a good look at Luke at that point due to all the commotion and also because the Dr. was still working on "fixing" me back up. Once Luke had all his tests done, his Mommy and Daddy got to hold him and then it was my turn. I couldn't believe how cute he was. And- couldn't believe how BIG! He looked absolutely perfect. No cone head at all! Seeing the look on R & S's faces and the tears in their eyes is something I will never forget. It was all worth it for that.

After the delivery, Luke and R & S stayed in my room with me for a couple hours talking about the experience of it all. Luke never made a peep the whole time. R & S brought champagne and gave me a beautiful silver bracelet from Tiffany's. WOW! That was so amazing of them. I love it and will cherish it forever!

By 10pm, Al and I were moved to a recovery room and we finally got to eat! I was starving!!!! I also ordered a glass of wine from the hospital but it tasted horrible so I only had a couple sips. Bummer! On Saturday morning, I spent some time in R & S's room visiting with them and Luke. Again, he never made a peep. What a little angel baby! Zara from Family Source came to visit us all too and she brought me flowers and a beautiful musical photo box. That was so sweet of her!
Al brought our kids to the hospital in the afternoon to see me and to meet Luke. It was so cute seeing their faces look at Luke through the nursery windows. I think they were very proud too! Grandma and Grandpa took the kids home so Al and I could have our celebration dinner at the hospital before checking out- 23 hours after delivery. I was ready to get home!

I talked to R on Sunday and they were able to bring Luke home in the morning on Mother's day. What a special gift on her very first Mother's Day. I felt blessed as well to already be home with my kids too. (Plus, it was my baby's 2nd birthday!) Happy Birthday Princess Morgan! It is hard to believe only 2 years ago, we were at the same hospital delivering Morgan and had no idea what was yet to come 2 years later.

I started pumping a few hours after delivery and have done so every 3-5 hours since. It is going well but of course if very painful right now. I know it will take a couple of weeks to get past that so it will be worth it in the end. So far, I think I have 4 bottles frozen which isn't bad. My milk hasn't officially come in yet, but I feel it coming!

I am feeling amazing emotionally. I have not cried at all. I never felt like Luke was mine so holding him just made me proud- not sad. I feel lucky to have done something so amazing in my life that I will always be proud of. I completed a family. How many people can say that? Thank you R & S for trusting me with your son for 9 short months. It went by so quickly and even in the end with being uncomfortable and with the pain of labor- I can say- IT WAS ALL WORTH IT! Your son is beautiful and is such a gift to us all! He will always hold a special place in our hearts.

See the video montage below with some pictures of the birth day!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

We are leaving for the hospital!

Everything is all cleared for the 11am induction! I am soooooo nervous right now! I hope all goes smoothly! I cried saying goodbye to Carson this morning and I am sure more tears are coming when I kiss Gavin and Morgan goodbye in a few minutes. :( I know I won't be gone long, but I will still miss them!

Wish us luck. Can't wait to see what this little kicker looks like! I know R & S are very anxious and excited!

More updates to come.

YIPPEE!! There is a plan in place!

My doctor visit went much better today. (No tears from me this time!) I am officially 3cm dilated now and still 70% effaced. The dr. was happy to see more progress since we met 2 days ago. He said everything is very favorable for delivery and oked for an elective induction for TOMORROW!!!!! WHOOO HOOOO! The problem is, we are not guaranteed at this point that the hospital will be able to accommodate me. It will all be up to the number of other deliveries happening tomorrow. I am supposed to call the hospital at 10am to ask if they can get me in for the 11am induction. If so, I will go to the hospital right away, get my IV in, start pitocin and then will most likely have my bag of water broken- oh and of course- get an epidural. After that, the Dr. thinks things will happen very fast based on my progress already. Now if the hospital is too busy at 11am, they could ask me to come later or they may say they can't get me in at all and in that case we would be pushed until Monday. AGGHHHH! That would be horrible!

My fingers are crossed that everything works out for us to go in tomorrow late morning or early afternoon to start the induction. I am hopeful there will be a baby by dinner time. :)

Of course there is always still a chance that I will go into labor on my own today or tonight since I have been having minor contractions all day again. But, I am hoping we can hold out for tomorrow so it is easier to arrange babysitting for our kids. I will keep my legs crossed until then!

40 Weeks and no baby yet!

I was up again quite a bit last night with more back contractions from 1am-5pm off and on. Some of them seemed to be on top of each other but never strong enough to kick me into actual labor. So instead, they just kept me uncomfortable and awake last night for no reason. I am happy to have another dr. appointment today at 11am to see if anything else has changed over the past 2 days and also to discuss the light at the end of the tunnel...................... induction. I will update later with more news.

Fetal Monitoring

What a horrible afternoon I have had! Since I woke up this morning with more pelvic pressure and sciatic pain down both legs, I decided it was time to get into the Dr. today for an exam. So, I left work and went in for my 2pm appointment. I had a few contractions while in the waiting room. At 2:40, we were all told that the dr. was called into an emergency delivery and we would either need to reschedule our appointments or wait until he got back. So then I told the nurse the reason for my visit and she took me back. I was hooked up to a fetal monitor for 45 minutes to track the baby's heart rate and movements and my contractions. Everything looked good. I was contracting throughout the 45 minutes but not super strong ones. Then at 3:45 the Dr. finally came back and was able to check me. I am still only 2cm dilated (which made me burst into tears) but I am 70% effaced. He tried to reassure me that the effacement means more than the dilation and said that I have made progress and the head is down very low- which explains the pain. He said everything is very favorable for delivery and said the actual delivery will go faster since I have already effaced to 70% and the head is so low. He said to keep my regular appointment scheduled for Thursday with him and if things don't happen on our own before then, we would discuss a possible induction sometime over the weekend. I do not want to be in the hospital on Sunday!!!!! (not because it's mothers day but because its Morgan's birthday!) It will break my heart not to be with my baby girl on her day! So, I am hoping and praying that something happens on its own tonight or tomorrow! I need it! I am emotionally and physically spent at this point. So- 2 and a half ours out of work, I will be working from home later this evening to catch up. So frustrating!

More Contractions but no baby yet!

So the contractions have continued on and off since Friday morning at 3am! Friday afternoon and evening, I had a few more back contractions before bed and then we were up most of the night from midnight until 5am timing out contractions. The crazy thing is they were 5 minutes apart most of the time but they would only last for about a 1/2 hour and then stop completely for an hour or more. Then Saturday during the day, we decided to go for a long walk which did nothing. I called the Dr. office Saturday morning and told them what has been happening with the contractions and they told me to lay on my left side and drink fluids. I did that for as long as I could handle it but it was SOOOOO boring! The dr. also said not to call until they are consistent contractions for a full hour. I am just worried with all of these contractions I am having- I don't want to be late getting to the hospital! I NEED THE EPIDURAL!

So last night I went to bed and was up again at 1am for 30 minutes with contractions every 5 minutes and then they went away until 4am and repeated the same thing with contractions every 5 minutes for about 35-40 minutes. Then of course, NOTHING!

Over the past 2 days I have also been experiencing a constant pain in my lower back shooting down both butt cheeks (sorry TMI) and into my legs. The dr. office said this is the position of the baby being so low and sitting on my sciatic nerve. Fun, fun, fun. I am so ready for real labor. BRING IT ON!

Contractions- When will they be the REAL ONES??

Well I was up last night at 11pm, 2am, 4am and then 6 this morning for pee trips. That is crazy in itself, but I was also up from 3am-4am for the hour straight with lower back contractions. I was actually planning everything out in my mind from getting up, taking a quick shower, calling my mom to come over and of course calling R & S. The contractions weren't painful, just bothersome so I didn't wake up Al yet. I kept thinking I would wait until they got worse. At 4am after an hour of basically laying there, I got up to walk around a bit (and pee again) and decided I would lay back down to try to get some rest. Then- the contractions completely stopped!

So this morning I get up come to work and attend a marketing meeting for 3 hours and sure enough- right before I am scheduled to speak, the contractions start up again. They were about every 10 minutes, in the lower back again- but much harder this time. I managed to make it through my quick presentation ok (during a contraction!) and then excused myself to go to the restroom. I wanted to walk around a bit to see what would happen and also wanted to text Al to give him a heads up. Of course, after I walked around.......everything completely stopped again.

These contractions are just teasers!!! We'll see if anything starts up again but it has been over an hour now since anything has happened. Guess it's time to get back to work now!